This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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