I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just puked most of my soul out..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
