I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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