Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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