I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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