so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize