zippers are such a cool invention
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
