So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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