she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
