Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
