Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
