names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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