Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
