he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
