oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
