I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
