you would pick up someone in the library
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
