a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
