I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
