I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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