saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
