she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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