So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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