I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
