I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
