If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
