just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
