I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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