my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
