Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
