either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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