I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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