Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
