OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
