I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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