You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
