I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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