No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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