About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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