So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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