I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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