shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
