but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
