It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
