Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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