Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
