Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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