I cockslap morals
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
