We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
