Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize