I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
