Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
All the doctor said was why
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize