Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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