someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
