I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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