coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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