Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
