I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize