i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
