He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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