Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
