he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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