WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
