how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
