Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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