I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
