ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
